Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads: Metaphor, Poetry, and Families

At Graddha, we love metaphors and especially metaphors found in nature. Case in point, our name Graddha, which means “eagle” in Telegu, one of the many languages spoken in India. Eagles are a natural metaphor for wealth dynamics work because they soar above storms, care for their young sometimes after they have fledged the nest, have extremely acute vision, are a symbol on our money, and are considered sacred in many indigenous cultures.

I love poetry, because it is so rich in metaphor. The metaphors in poems put me into a frame of mind that feels creative and optimistic. I once heard a definition of poetry that came from a fourth grader. The child defined poetry as “imaginary gardens with real toads.” This has really stayed with me, as it did for the poetry teacher who reported it. Why? Because it connotes the confluence of the real and the imaginary, and this is truly the way of all human experience. We create narratives that explain and, to some extent, predict our lives. This is the imaginary part because it is born of our cognition, our thinking. The “real toads,” are the players — the people, non-human organisms and environment that support or correct our claims.

A poem is a compilation of words and phrases, chosen carefully by the poet to communicate an idea or feeling. When I read poetry, I imagine what the poet might have been intending to share, and I also consider my own experience of the poem. My musing today is that there is an analogy to be drawn here between poems and families. Could poetry be a metaphor for family systems?

So here is the way I am thinking about it. Poems are compilations of words and families are compilations of people. The words in poems don’t automatically go together — the reader has to make sense of them. Families create narratives that explain their relationships and legacies. Family members only stay affiliated with each other if it makes sense to them — if they internalize a narrative that holds a positive view of the family. And not everyone chooses their biological family members to be members of their inner circle. Ultimately we choose our closest affiliations — a concept articulated by Jay Hughes as “family of affinity.”

A garden is an intentionally created landscape where specific plants are cultivated. What might this represent in the family system? It could represent a group of assets, the financial, intellectual, social, human, and spiritual wealth of a group of people who may or may not be biologically related. There is a web of relationships in the garden that, when carefully tended, support a web or relationships outside the garden. Very much like families and family wealth. The life of the garden is integral to the life of the toads.

Now let’s consider families that are biologically related and multigenerational. Their “imaginary gardens” can be healthy ecosystems that support family cohesion. Or they can contain virulent pests, which might be unhealthy interpersonal dynamics. If toxic enough, these “imaginary gardens” can force their “real toads” to go find other gardens in which to live. It is possible to consider the hopes and dreams of our parents and ancestors, like imagining or researching the intentions of poet whose poem moves us. Our own unique perspective is valuable, but even more so in the context of the literary intention.

So think about your inner circle — is it your biological family? How would you describe your imaginary garden? Are you a happy toad?